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The Silent Treatment: Perceptions of its Behaviors and Associated Feelings

University of New South Wales, Sydney, kip.williams{at}unsw.edu.au

Wendelyn J. Shore

University of Toledo, OH

Jon E. Grahe

Monmouth College, West Long Branch, NJ

Asked to list specific behaviors that occur when they give or receive the `silent treatment,' undergraduates then wrote down the feeling associated with each behavior. Independent raters in Study 1, and participants in Study 2, coded the entries according to taxonomic dimensions for the behaviors and threatened needs for the feelings, finding support for Williams's (1997) Model of Ostracism. Specifically, the silent treatment is regarded to be primarily punitive and social (carried out in the presence of the target), and is composed mostly of avoidance of eye contact and absence of verbal communication. As hypothesized, when receiving the silent treatment, the feelings were coded to indicate threatened needs of belonging, self-esteem, control, and meaningful existence. When giving the silent treatment, a sense of belonging was threatened more than it was fortified, whereas in Study 2, self-esteem and meaningful existence tended to be equally threatened and fortified, and perceived control was fortified more than threatened. Implications for considering the silent treatment within a broader framework of ostracism and possible consequences of the silent treatment are discussed.

Key Words: ostracism • silent treatment

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